she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
