saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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