my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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