I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
