You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
