all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Drunk is not a location!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize