some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
