Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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