You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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