New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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