I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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