if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
