Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
