I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
