I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
