He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's like iHOP with fire
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
