Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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