Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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