Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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