Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
