Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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