Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize