worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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