then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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