Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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