I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
