I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
