Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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