By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
