im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
