I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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