I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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