At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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