why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
