I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize