I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
