dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
