i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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