I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
