Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
