Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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