Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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