how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
