If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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