census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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