Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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