the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
