I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I understand Curling. That high.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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