trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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