Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
