I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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