Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize