I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
