i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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