Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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