Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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