last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
