Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
