You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
