woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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