i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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