I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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