i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
