If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
