he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
