just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
