i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
