How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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