I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize