I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
