I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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