Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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