after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
