I wish I only lived at night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
