I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
