I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
