i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
