i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
