mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
