Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
