Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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