The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize