its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
