the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
