11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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