He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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