the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
