OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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