Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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