Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
