Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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