She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
