dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
