Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
