well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
