Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
