i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
