I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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