whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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