Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
