Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
