yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
