Just fell off a train. Bad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this just has baby written all over it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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