And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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