You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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